Getting Married Isn’t Normal

I want to share with you an article in the latest San Francisco Chronicle, titled, Women see less need for ol’ ball and chain, by C.W. Nevius. Here’s the intro:

Are husbands becoming obsolete? You have to wonder. A recent New York Times study, based on 2005 census results, found that for the first time in American history there are more women living without husbands (51 percent) than with them.

To which many men must reply: Uh-oh. After all, how many times did they tell us to put down the toilet seat and pick up our socks? Could it be that a hubby is — like the big, smelly dog that keeps chewing up shoes — turning out to be more trouble than he’s worth?

Please read it and report back to me what you think.

Meanwhile, occasionally, a well-meaning friend will ask why Miguel has not proposed yet. I wish that they would ask him that. Two years ago, when we were in France, meeting my great-distant aunt Marie for the first time, she actually asked me, “Is it that you don’t want to get married?”

Why is all the pressure on me?

“I took matters into my own hands,” my friend Lonnie* told me once. “I took him to the jewelry store and showed him what ring I wanted. I figured if that didn’t give him the hint, nothing would.”

How pro-active, I thought.

I like having companionship. I also like having my own apartment. So what am I supposed to do. I’m happy now.

This isn’t like how it was in my twenties, when all my girlfriends were getting married. I wanted to get married, too. But what motivated me then wasn’t the prospect of life-long companionship. It was the wedding. The big party. I wanted one, too. It was a fleeting desire, though.

I once had this boyfriend who said that married women, particularly mothers, who still train for sports, like triathlons, swimming, running, what-have-you, are selfish. Note that we are not together today.

My gramma said that we should all have children so we’ll have someone there to take care of us in our old age. But as I’m the one who lived with her until she finally passed away, I know that what she really meant to say is that we should all have grandchildren. 

I just haven’t figured out how to skip straight to grandchildren yet.

*No way is that her real name!


About katiekelly

I grew up in a parking lot.
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3 Responses to Getting Married Isn’t Normal

  1. Byron Short says:

    Hey Katie,

    Haven’t talked to you in, what, years and years and years? Just so your note on Evolution about quitting autocrossing, and read that article, then started surfing and read this one.

    Most interesting because…[small world alert] C.W. Nevius was my English teacher when I was in the 9th grade. Since you are a writer and live in that area and read Chuck’s stuff, I was wondering if you ever talk to him? If so, let him know I said hello, and that the girl in the Camaro was definitely waving at *me*, not at Flash Fidelidy, and certainly not at him. If he remembers any that then he was not doing what most writers /teachers were doing in the mid-70’s…

    BTW, I quit autocrossing, too. But Kyle is turning 16, and we just bought him a …(wait for it)…red 99 Miata Sport. With a spare set of wheels. Hmmmmmm.

    Take care…


  2. katiekelly says:

    Wow, that’s a nice thing for you to do for Kyle. My first car was a ’79 Pinto.

    I don’t know C.W. Nevius, but wow, what a small world. If I did know him, I’d be more than happy to pass along the message. I wonder if you can find his contact info at the SF Chronicle’s webpage?

    Thanks for writing!


  3. katiekelly says:

    A year and a half after writing this post, I cannot figure out who “Lonnie” is.

    This is paining me.

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