I like supporting local businesses, so I thought getting a pap smear test at my local Planned Parenthood might be a good way to help bolster my local economy. Well, I’m just disappointed that they didn’t seem so appreciative of my business.
“You’re late,” said the woman in scrubs behind the bullet proof glass.
“I’m sorry, I thought my appointment was at 10:45.”
“You should have been here at 10:30.”
“Oh, I thought my appointment was at 10:45.”
“No, it’s at 11.”
“Okay, so wait, you’re saying I’m early.”
“No, never mind.”
“What time was I supposed to be here?”
“Just sit down.”
After an hour of reading last year’s fashion magazines with totally outdated gossip, rendering them absolutely useless to me, I was finally called in for the procedure. Now, I thought the ocean scene poster, with dolphins and sea urchins, taped onto the ceiling was a nice touch, but my doctor’s bed side manner definitely did not create that mom and pop ambience that I’ve come to expect from other pap smear centers.
“Miss Kelly, I’m going to ask you again to shut up and relax.”
“I’m sorry, but you’re poking me with- Hey! Ow!”
“I thought you said you’d had pap smears before.”
Okay, now she was totally challenging my past pap smear experiences, a very sensitive subject with me, and I just wasn’t going to get into it.
After all that, they didn’t even give me a lollipop.