Jeanne Villa of Novato just won the romance category in the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Contestants submit the worst possible opening sentence they can think of.
Villa’s winning entry reads as follows:
Bill swore the affair had ended, but Louise knew he was lying, after discovering Tupperware containers under the seat of his car, which were not the off-brand containers that she bought to save money, but authentic, burpable, lidded Tupperware; and she knew he would see that woman again, because unlike the flimsy, fake containers that should always be recycled responsibly, real Tupperware must be returned to its rightful owner.
I don’t know if I could write that bad if I tried.