Please don’t take this the wrong way, but you might have a chemical imbalance.

This has been on the tip of my tongue, but I don’t think there’s really a nice way to tell someone something like that. Pats on the head don’t work that well, either. I’m stumped.

——

I’m going through tough times. Someone I care deeply about has suffered a stroke, but he’s on the rebound. If you live in my Facebok world, you’d know all about it. There, my audience is limited to my 243 “friends”. Here, I don’t know, anyone can read this. Some things are better left moderately private.

——-

Yesterday was my birthday. If you lived in my Facebook world, you would have known that. I’m still in my thirties and that’s all anyone needs to know.

——-

Facebook, as much as I complain about it, has brought people back into my life. This is mostly for the better. I’m back in touch with all the nice kids that I grew up with. The mean ones are too retarded to figure it out.

——–

I think I’m sounding very cranky. Let’s say, I’m not feeling like my usual bouncy self, and it’s not necessarily due to my age. I’m blaming it on the therapy. It’s very expensive, and then they make you talk about “problems”. Over and over again, we talk about problems. And I’m starting to wonder what the point is. I go in there, we talk about bad stuff for an hour, I cry, and now what? I could cry about all of these things on my own time and money. I understand that this is supposed to be a process of self-discovery, but couldn’t this process continue until the day I die? This could turn out to be very expensive, and I’m likely going to die anyway before I ever find out “the answer” anyway. And I’m trying to understand just what people seaching for enlightment did before therapy. Not that I’m necessarily searching for enlightment, but it’d be nice. Let’s say, I wouldn’t turn it down, if it were offered. But also, there have got to be more cost effective ways. In the middle of finding this inner peace, there’s a buttload of stuff I’d like to be doing, like shopping, eating good food, and traveling and stuff, and I can’t afford it, because I’m paying for this Enlightment in a Box. I’m just so not into this heavily refined enlightment stuff. I want the whole grains and Omega 3s. Give me the gristle.

——-

None of my Facebook friends know any of this. This I share with you, my blog reader, my one and only.

 

Advertisements

About katiekelly

I grew up in a parking lot.
This entry was posted in Random Ramblings. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Please don’t take this the wrong way, but you might have a chemical imbalance.

  1. Natalia says:

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY! to one of the coolest sheroes I’ve known.

  2. Hey Dude-
    Been there. My Mom died after a brutal battle with cancer in May and I was pretty down for a while. But then I started riding and training and it’s helped me a lot. I don’t go for the whole get horizontal and unload a bunch of crap on some person I don’t know and then have to endure psychobabble. My wife recently asked me why I didn’t seem that upset about my Mom’s death. If the wife could only see me at times on my bike, on some lonely road somewhere, deep in meditation about what my mother meant to me as tears streamed down my cheeks, the wifeage would probably understand the silliness of her question. My alone time on my bike is my chance to really noodle through the most important things in this world. Oh, and the ironic part is that my Mom had a PHD in psychology. Before she died, she use to counsel me (though my ears were only half open).

  3. Ippoc amic says:

    a good friend of ours had a mini stroke too, and she’s relatively young. I’m glad your friend is on the rebound.

  4. drigo says:

    Dear Ms. Kelly, please stop searching for answers…there are none or they aren’t what we want to hear anyway! so what you feel a little down? you’re human, can’t be upbeat at all times! Bail on the therapist and come to the city for the Halloween party tonight and you can practice telling weird costumed people they are chemically imbalanced!

  5. katiekelly says:

    What the hell. Could make a nice conversation starter.

  6. katiekelly says:

    To Johnny Go Fast: I am so sorry. Your mom must have been a very cool lady.

  7. Kevin says:

    1. Whenever I talk to other people about my feelings and problems and worries – I always feel vaguely better immediately. And immensely horrified later. My god – what must they think of me! Damn! – What do I think of myself. Oh – lord – i didn’t really say that did I.

    2. Drigo has it right- there are no answers. Just questions. Gods cruel joke on us. I think God is one of those guys who tells a joke- and then laughs at it uproariously – but no-one else is getting it.

    3. You have strengths – use them. You have weaknesses – have courage and face them. And work to improve them. those that love you will help build you up and strengthen your weaknesses. Those that don’t will seek to tear you down.

    4. All the above is semi-psychobabble. There is some truth in there. But here’s the real truth. The real healing.

    Find friends. Have beers with them. Ride with them. Hobby with them. Talk with them. Get to know them before you let them in too deep. Some will stay- some will go.

    I think we’re all lucky, and I mean REALLY lucky if we have 3 or 4 TRUE friends in our lifetimes. You know the ones – the ones that at the drop of a hat flew out to see you when your dog died. Or the ones that sent you a quick email when you needed it. Or just called to listen to you talk and never judged you.

    We’re all lost here – some more than others – so don’t think you are the only one!

    And finally – laugh. We should all laugh more- and take things as NOT seriously as we did in our Senior year of High school.

  8. Kevin says:

    Did I make any sense here? Or totally embarass myself.

    My condolensces on your friend with the stroke.

  9. katiekelly says:

    You make sense, Kevin. It means so much to me that you just wrote all that.

    But hold up. Did I take things seriously in high school?!

    xoxo,
    Katie

  10. Kevin says:

    No – we didn’t have a worry in the world in high school. We thought we did – but those were all fun!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s